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Times are stressful. It seems like we get these glimmers of a hope of less stress just to have the rug pulled our from beneath our feet. The election was one of those moments for a lot of people. Many of us are feeling the weight of the recent election, with a mix of frustration, anxiety, and even anger. During these moments, we often lean into our desire to connect with each other and try to ease the emotions we’re seeing. But understanding how we connect can be powerful and transformative, helping us show up for ourselves and others with more intention and less burnout.
Let’s talk about three concepts that are easy to mix up but make a big difference in how we relate to others and ourselves: sympathy, empathy, and compassion. Each has its unique impact on both our brains and our emotional well-being.
Sympathy: Feeling for Someone
Sympathy is the simplest and often the most surface-level of the three. It’s when we see someone struggling, recognize their pain, and feel bad for them. Sympathy happens in the frontal lobe, where we register the distress of others. But it often stops there, without a deeper emotional connection. This can sometimes make sympathy feel distant or even condescending, as it lacks the depth of shared experience or active care.
Empathy: Feeling with Someone
Empathy is when we go a step further than sympathy and feel with someone. It’s as if we step into their shoes and experience their pain ourselves. This response involves several areas of the brain, including the anterior cingulate cortex and the amygdala, which process pain and fear. Research shows that empathy can often create anxiety because it activates parts of the brain that trigger our own pain and distress.
While empathy can be a powerful way to bond, it can also lead to what’s known as “empathy fatigue.” Constantly feeling the pain of others, especially if you’re someone who identifies as an “empath,” can be draining. Over time, it may even numb you to others’ pain as a way of self-preservation. This is why empathy without compassion can sometimes do more harm than good.
Empathy also brings up something we don’t often discuss: it’s not always equally distributed. Studies show that people tend to empathize more with those who look like them, meaning empathy can sometimes reinforce unconscious biases. This is important to remember, especially in a society that’s still grappling with racial and cultural divides.
Compassion: Feeling for and with a Purpose
Compassion, on the other hand, is about feeling for someone in a way that aims to help and support. Compassion takes the focus off our own distress and centers on providing warmth and care. Instead of mirroring pain (as empathy does), compassion activates areas of the brain like the orbitofrontal cortex, which is associated with positive social feelings. Studies have shown that participants who practiced compassion felt more connected and less anxious.
When we approach someone with compassion rather than empathy, we create a supportive space for their pain without absorbing it ourselves. Practices like metta meditation, or loving-kindness meditation, are known to cultivate compassion by helping us focus on sending love and warmth to others rather than “feeling” their pain. This difference helps prevent burnout and enables us to show up sustainably for others over time.
Choosing Compassion Over Empathy
So, if you’re feeling exhausted from all the emotions surrounding recent events, consider leaning into compassion rather than empathy. Compassion allows you to provide support without getting overwhelmed or burned out. It’s also an active practice—when we choose compassion, we actively focus on being present with warmth and care rather than passively experiencing someone’s pain.
For those feeling the weight of empathy, self-compassion can also be an incredible relief. Self-compassion involves extending that same warmth and kindness to ourselves, especially when we’re going through a difficult time. It helps to calm our physiological responses and avoid the exhaustion that often comes with empathy.
If you need any additional support I offer a 20 minute consultation where we can discuss curated coaching services that will meet your needs. If coaching isn’t your style but you need some tools you can use on your own consider my mental health card deck, The Doux You Deck. Fifty two cards that will help you get where your want to be and help you, do you!
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